When I am around friends, I think about what I say. I make sure I say things that won't offend them or make them think I'm a bad person. It depends on the friend, some people I make really biting jokes and other friends I make really immature silly jokes.
When I am around strangers I think about appearing consistent. Sometimes I feel like being competitive so I make challenges and am sarcastic. Sometimes I feel like being sweet and so I try and tell them interesting trivia and help them as much as possible. Sometime I play the aloof hostess and other times the savvy kid. With strangers I exaggerate and take on a colored persona. With friends I have different personas, but they aren't exaggerated.
Just being around friends affects me. I don't change myself when around them, I just show a different side of me. At least, that's what I'm telling myself right now. I don't actually know. Some people are very consistent and stay relatively similar without depending on who they are around. I really don't. Around adults I am serious and inquisitive. Around children I am adventurous and excited. Around my peers I can be very sarcastic and laid back, or I can be always laughing and serene. Around guys I become competitive and flaunt my boyishness. When I am alone I am quiet, patient, and relaxed. The happiest I've been is when I get the opportunity to be serious, thoughtful and intense, but there are very few people I can be like that around.
Sometimes I wonder if I should try and mix these personalities. I wonder if I should try to bring the other sides of me into the other ways I act around people.
I never do.
It's too natural for me to act certain ways around certain people. I know I chameleon, but only in retrospect. In the moment I am being me, and my mind is completely in synchronization with my adorned attitude.
Which one is the real me? Then one I never show people? The one that I act around my closest friends? The personality I enjoy the most? Each of these disappear when the people I am around disappear. Who am I? Should I try to combine these sides of myself? Or perhaps explore them and stretch them further? Is it more freedom to be all these sides or more freedom to be a single one no matter the situation? And is more freedom necessarily better?
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This topic has been twisted in many directions now, but in my mind they are all connected in a tangle. I don't think this makes for a well written post, but I think it's all things I should try to put into words. I shall split it up a bit to make it more coherent, but I can't seem to portion it off quite appropriately in my own mind. Part I | Part II | Part III
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