Amnesia - No not that one, the other one

What utterly different subjects - Amnesia the game and Amnesia the anime. I'm so very tempted to compare the two if only because they are so incompatible. I guess the only thing they have in common is entertainment, a basic plot, and the inclusion of "amnesia" in them. In the first, it is used as a method to direct the player more than a point of the whole thing (or at least more unusual and less accepted in animes), although there may be a bit of commentary on whether anyone is capable of change and redemption. In the second it is more the point, in my perception, although it also is used as a mechanic to get a girl to meet and love four or five different guys in the unfolding of one anime. For both it, of course, employs the backward-story-telling mechanic in order to make it more complex than it really is. Morsels of plot to feed the player/watcher in order to get them to keep playing....

But this post isn't about Amnesia, it's only about Amnesia.

Amnesia is told very very slowly, quietly, and with an air of fictitious perfection. The guys are too exaggerated, the world too kind and symmetrical, the path of events too charismatic, aromatic, and romantic. I expected it to be a shallow sort of joy at romance - as usual, everything too perfect and too "destined."

I wasn't wrong. It really is mostly just about how guys will fall for girls and meeting people and being loved is nice. And also how everyone should be a good boy or a good girl because wouldn't it be nice if life were just a fanciful dream.

But I can't help but be pleased at exactly how they went about it.

For one, I am untoward attracted to slow philosophic or just peaceful animes. Kimi Ni Todoke, Kino no Tabi, Mushishi, Ergo Proxy, Say I Love You, Witch Hunter Robin, Casshern Sins... all of these are slow at least in part and I like them because of it.

For two, I like unusual animes, and pretty art. This is both of those.

But most of all, this anime seems to really, really respect it's characters. Despite how they are frosted-cake versions of real people, they are shown to at first appear ... flat, boring, stereotypes. Stereotypes that some people like, but insubstantial and just plain unlikable for how one-sided they are.

Rebel, emo, brooding, loner, dark-boy Shin.
Player, suave, charmer, popular, glamorous, seductive Ikki.
Logical, rational, intelligent, unreadable, literal, cold, analytic Kento.
Fun, comedian, antic, merry, bright Toma.

But each is deeper than that. They don't deny or explain away their personality. They are the way they are, but they have their own flaws, cares, loves, and souls. There are some reasons they became who they are, but no excuses. They love, they care in their own way. They have fears and hopes and desires. They are unique and beautiful and deep. They keep their stereotypical actions and behaviors in full, but you realize that that in and of itself is a beautiful face on a beautiful interior.

They want to be ... real. They want to be loved and good.

Shin is struggling to control himself and be a better, worthy individual. He fears and hates what he could be, but he doesn't see much light except in the main character girl. She is a vision of a better world and a better self to him.

Ikki believes the world and the people in it are lies. Everything seems to be about appearance and socializing and control and manipulation. Girls try to get him, but only to use him. He doesn't even know what he wants as he wanders through life, lost and fearing to never know anything true. His love is that single ground for him: something true and real who can show him how to erase the lies and see (begin living) the world for what it really is.

Kento is in a world he doesn't belong in. He doesn't understand it, and it doesn't understand him, despite how hard he tries to figure out it's rules and logic. He works, thinks and researches because that is all he knows how to do, all he can do. But it isn't enough. (...... I have yet to see Kento's story in full)

Toma...... well, the series is still continuing. I don't know who Toma is yet.



I started to enjoy Shin, and then when Ikki appeared I was ready to stake it out and wait for a more interesting character. But then I realized that I was coming to appreciate and even love Ikki too. How could I? He is the stereotype I almost truly detest in real life as well as anime. And yet... he was real and .... struggling to live. Amnesia began to bore its way into my life and understanding. And then today Kento's story began. I already knew I would enjoy his story, but it was only when it was really being told that I realized exactly how beautiful Amnesia is.

Kento is just as stereotypical and overly-exaggerated as ever. But he cares so incredibly much. He wants so much to understand and to do right, but his attempts are always wrong. Still, he keeps trying despite being wrong over and over and over again. It's a deep and human and beautiful thing. The stereotypes are not who these people are. They are their selves --- struggling against the world, in their lives, caring so deeply, but so unable to be understood past how shallow the rest of the world is to them. Shin, Ikki, Kento, and Toma. Each is a completely different stereotype, but all are scared and fighting and caring as hard as they can to be real and alive and true and they are so beautiful because of it. So beautiful and worthy of love, despite completely different appearances, fears, desires, characters, and personalities.

Each one is worthy of your attention and love, and each one is a beautiful being.

Amnesia doesn't blame the world for being judgmental. It doesn't excuse the boys for being stereotypes or flawed. It doesn't declare a moral right or wrong or even how to think of one another. What it does do is describe just how unimportant personality is compared to real deep caring about being alive and good and real and true. I don't have a word for that sort of deep caring, but it is what makes us beautiful and it is inextricably tied up in truth and meaning.

ID

Identity.

What an innocuous appearance, hiding some of the most corrosive ideas.

Identity.

You've always believed it was a good thing. To have an identity. To have a name. A status. A place. A niche.

It is identity that chains us to old wrongs. It is identity that blinds us, holds us hostage. It is identity that forbids us change, growth, and branching.

It is identity that makes us ignore, dismiss, hate. It is identity that insists our path is the only path. The sacred way. The holy promise.

It is identity that makes us follow lies, propaganda, corruption. It is identity that makes us barricade, fear, and damn the outside world.

We identify with our country for no good reason. We identify with our religion, and prevent ourselves from seeing the light. We identify with tradition and see no other way. We identify with cliques and drive away the outsiders. We identify with our work, and never learn or improve. We identify with our family, and we are dragged down with their wrongs. We identify with our habits until we forget how to change. We identify with our beliefs, and never forgive and never listen and never understand.

Identity makes us comfortable. It makes us stop asking questions. It makes us blind to who we are and why we are.

Identity is the lie we tell ourselves over and over again until the truth has been buried and safely left to be forgotten.

Do not become an identity. Flow between worlds. Explore, learn, change, grow, commit mistakes, question.

Do not identify with your country, it is meaningless square area filled with average people. Do not identify with religion, it is about the journey, not the place you are now. Do not identify with tradition, it is a false authority. Do not identify with cliques, they are mindless. Do not identify with work, it is a poor substitute for discovery and contribution. Do not identify with family, their values are no better than your own. Do not identify with habits, they are only good until you forget why you do them. Do not identify with beliefs, they are only good until you stop improving them.

Never be comfortable. Never exclude, deny, deafen yourself, blind yourself. Choose what you accept and what you do not, every instance. Do not dismiss the whole for the part. Take what is good, leave what is not. Every. Single. Time.
In others. In yourself. In the world.



Destroy identity and be what you think; until you are not any more.

Equilibrium

Balance has come home to rest when
Sleep stops being an escape, but a sweet necessity.
Work stops being a chore, but a curious investigation.
Games stop being guilty pleasure, but creations of mystery and magic.
Writing profoundly stops being an apprehensive and selfish foray to try and tear away from darkness, and becomes an escapade to learn what I know and say what I mean. (- vivacious ranging to coax honeyed-ice truths out and to hew them forms.)
I stop needing liberation and start reaching out.

I can and do live like this, once I finally scrape off the bleak veneer.