13 December 2012

Ergo Proxy - 8: Light Beam/Shining Sign


Light Beam


There are references to moonlight, night, and death throughout the entire episode. It starts with Pino seeing a shining light, and then later seeing it again. We see something wavering in the darkness where she was looking. Its the same wavering paper-tentacle-knife-wing used to kill the soldiers of Charos. The name of Charos likely comes from Charon, or the river Styx ferryman who takes the dead to the underworld. Else, it may be from Karas, meaning "black" in greek. The moon phase symbol )O( can be seen on wall inside the tower of Charos when they talk about the woman's legend. "That stuff about the light." "The stories about a light, radiating from an unseen moon."
When straight-jacket lady sees the monster, or Proxy. She says "Senex, agent of the moonlight" Agent is another word for Proxy, but Senex does not mean moonlight.

Senex is an archetype from Carl Jung's universal psychology (collective unconscious) and is basically a kind wise father figure or wizard.

Instead of Charos, sometimes it is called Halos, which of course can refer to holiness, as well as light. Similarly Romdeau is sometimes spelled Romdo, Mosque Mosk, Senex Senekis. Re-L Real. I believe that is it, but choosing which way is the correct spelling is definitely something I cannot be sure about if I have gotten right or wrong.

Take note - Charos also has a wombsys and a proxy to power it (the "production" room, the very bodies of our parents, a legend of a monster sleeping underground) yet it has no dome. This place also has the senseless mentality of following orders that Romdeau had. While Charos has much more activity and is in no way a paradise - it similarly thinks asking questions is bad form at least and treacherous at worst. "Once you are on the battlefield, it is best to stop asking those questions."

These people are willing to trade momentary understanding for long term victory - don't increase production, don't grieve, don't hold back in war, don't ask questions.

What is the point of protecting the Mosquito? The war? What is the war about if they are choosing to throw away human lives to keep fighting for the war. Shouldn't it be about protecting human life or the future...?

Omecatl means "two reed" and is an Aztec diety associated with night, wind, and north. Patecatl is father of the Centzon Totochitin and god of life and fertility.

Straight-jacket lady apparently has a name that is never mentioned. Mayahuel. This is another Aztec god associated with fertility, this time a god of a plant for an alchoholic beverage. She is the mother of the Centzon Totochtin.

Pino mimics everything. From Vincent's gagging, to the books she reads, to straight-jacket lady's chant. As Pino learns and grows, Vincent learns and grows in his opinion of her as well. He rejected her humanity and still says he can't tell if she has a soul, but ironically begins to think she is more alive than most other people.

The resemblance to "playing card soldiers" from Alice in Wonderland I only work out to be strange soldiers following nonsense laws for a mad queen.

Bit by bit it can be seen.
Bit by bit it can be heard.
Bit by bit it grows stronger.
Here, there, everywhere.
The last beat. The master comes.
Riding across the moonlight that haunts the shadows and the dark places.
He takes his time.
Bit by bit, bit by bit.......

I hear the pulse of the awakening.
Along the moonlight that haunts the darkness.
It will, with certainty, provide the time.
The pulse of the awakening.
The last beat
The master rides across the moonlight.

Senex. Agent of the Moonlight.

The drums of war are beating.
It is the music that brings the birth of a new world.
The master comes.
Riding across the moonlight that haunts the shadows and the dark places.
(It is all so beautiful!)

When the battle's done. He will bring to this world. A gift of death.


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////////////Reactions
Death. Night. Decay. Insanity. Peace.
Monotony. War. Mindlessness. Meaning.
Poetry. Existence. Beauty. Hideousness. Fear. Love.

I do not think this episode has too much specific to say. While it contains many themes and references, and yes alludes to the answers in such a way that cannot be understood, I understand this episode mostly as a mood piece. It also is pleasantly linear and action oriented for a change.

I happen to like weird monsters and transformations and surrealism, so Senex is right up my alley. Their weird fighting dance as well as the chanting poem is enough to entertain me pretty thoroughly despite it not really making any sense. No, their powers and fighting style never make sense past a weak sort of argument that they are enjoying the coming of death and reveling in the act of it with their crazy powers.

In truth, the most meaningful part I get out of it is that sense of beauty, mystery, and despair of the lives of the forgotten. The dance with insanity in an effort to understand it. That ultimate surrender for risk of losing sanity yourself. The infinities of time and space that leave us lost and hopeless, and yet are grand and beautiful while you can stand to stare into the void.

Poetry, like I said. Empty and deep at once.


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12 December 2012

Sing to Me, Songs of the Darkness




I keep thinking it. It will come to me when my thought has stilled and parted to leave my mind empty for a little.


The first and second time I turned it over and learned it's intentions and pondered it's nature.


I cannot say how many times, if many or few, it made itself know to me after that. All I can be sure of is that it has come to visit again.


This is the thought, clear and in the form it arrives to me in;


"I am going to die."


Not in the form of my body expiring. Not by my own will determining some aspect of existence unbearable. With such certainty it is impossible for it to be those. But by my own mind overwriting itself. I can't say that it will be any certain part of me, just the knowledge that I, what I am now, will die and instead someone else will take it's place.


It is hardly frightening nor sad, except in how inconsolably inevitable it feels.


It isn't clear how or what it will be like or when or to what extent or what form it will take when it happens. It is only that I am dying.


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09 December 2012

Ergo Proxy - 7: Re-L124C41+


Re-L124C41+
Re-L seems to have nearly supernatural healing abilities. Within three days she has recovered from near death and only has a bit of pneumonia left, if that.

The collective stonewalls Raul. They ask him to do the impossible, and then give him no assistance in accomplishing it. No wonder he is short-tempered and angry, he is given a job and then prevented from doing it. He is toyed with and manipulated and serves with no recognition or respect or even possibility of success.

The administrative bureau claim to be all-knowing, but hardly seem to be truly so. And Re-L was allowed to survive, despite breaking all rules and regulations which the dome is so dominated by upon. What injustice is this. Not to mention he is the seconds highest rank and yet they say that information is unauthorized.

Daedalus probably guides her to the Wombsys, then meets her there. He probably knows she saw the proxy markings and probably let her.

They're like clockwork wombs...
This is the birthplace of true citizens of Romdeau. The Wombsys.


       (Did you notice that she automatically brought the scalpel to his throat in self defense? He doesn't even flinch. They know each other pretty well. )
Daedalus, tell me why.
I'll be taking my scalpel back from you now now. If even one of them goes missing, people might start to ask questions. By the way; Well done. Your curiosity is quite impressive.
....///....
Alright. Forgive this interlude, but this entire episode has so much information in it. It's one of the best episodes precisely because it comes out and admits basically all of the setup for the plot. All of it is actually simple and straightforward. Which leaves me at a bit of a loss because the best I can do is repeat it and highlight details, except basically every detail is important and true.
The most unfortunate thing about all this business is this all suggests really important themes, but these too seem kind of obvious after I've thought about the and accepted the universe so much already, and I don't have much inspiration to discuss them... so this episode post is more of a summary than an interpretation ... sorry. All of the ground work is laid down for the themes of Ergo Proxy, so I probably should dive in, and yet.... I don't. Hopefully I will in later posts or return here to add to the reactions section perhaps.
....///....
From function to form. This production line is far and away the most efficient biological and mechanical system that exists within the dome. It is from this place that the foundations of what makes a good fellow citizen are prepared. Every step controlled, every detail scrutinized. All balance maintained. Population management and social stability are essential for maintaining an ordered daily life within a city like Romdeau.*


*This sentence could mean several things. It could mean that a city trapped inside a dome must be regulated carefully because of its nature. There is no other place to escape to, vent stress, recruit from, or rely upon for assistance... social stability, economic stability, population stability, and health stability is necessary.
Daedalus may also be commenting from ignorance. Maybe he truly believes that the entire human race can only function in this way. The dome must have told him so, and it is the only life he has known.


I'm fine. It's just... I've always known that people are grown in tubes. I've known about it and accepted it my entire life. But, but the reality of it is...*


*The concept of it being natural to be grown in tubes is interesting to consider. It makes sense that the reality of it is troubling to her anyway because isn't the concept of having been born inside of another human being also rather disturbing to us? Despite it making perfect sense, being natural, and being the only possible explanation?
How is it that we can live with such fundamental concepts our entire lives and yet, be shocked when faced with the reality of it?


Seeing it can be disturbing. Operation intervention in early development. Only by our constant intervention can the human race continue.
Are you so sure. Are you? Then how do you explain the world outside? Daedalus, can you just tell me if there is a viable living world outside these walls, then why do the citizens need the Dome anymore? Hasn't it's usefulness finally come to an end? Why keep it a secret?
I'm an idiot. I came very close to losing someone important to me. I'm sorry, I never should have let you go outside.
It's too late now. Once you know the truth, there's no escaping it ever again.
Yes.
You still remember our promise?
       (Back when she showed him Monad's corpse, she asked him to analyze it for her and tell her the results. "I need a favor, examine it, and tell me what it is." "Even if I do what you ask, you may not like knowing what the truth is." "I don't care." and "Re-L, promise me one things, you must tell no one" and "I'll leave the rest to you. Why don't you file the results away then, when you know them. I'll come by to pick them up.")
Yes, but first off, I need you let me save face.
       (Remember what he said at the beginning? If you like, I would be happy to bring her by later. Daedalus is very very perceptive himself. He can handle Re-L like no one else can (after all, he was created to be her doctor, was he not?) but only by a mutual respect for one another. He convinces her, and asks favors. Still, that is a certain type of manipulation. Sort of. On the other hand, she goes against his will and does whatever she wants so much of the time. She practically walks all over him. Basically, they have a very interesting relationship. It only gets more interesting, but this is the last we will see of it for a while.)


Grandfather. I'm sorry I have caused so much trouble.
       (This is heartfelt.)
Re-L are you finally satisfied? What did you see in the world outside. It's alright, you can speak freely here. We would have you speak. Now.
       (So freely. We demand that you tell us.)
There were people out there. Real living people. A whole world.
Really.
       (What is this, sarcasm? You already know.)
Why do you hide what is out there.
Re-l.
What are you so afraid of out there.
You've said quite enough.




This era is coming to an end.
       (In more ways than one. Raul rightly notices that the Regent is running out of time. Raul also is becoming more independent, rash, calculating... call it what you will.)

Then let's simplify. I want to pull the relics from the secret underground vaults.
Intelligence Release Mode confirmed.
You mean the long range crafts that were used for the Mosk operation?
       (This is meaningless now, don't worry. It is related to the next scene, but that is all you can hope to know at the moment. "It was plundered, from the Mosk Dome." Wait until 3 or 4 more episodes. This is not an empty thread.)


I have the autopsy report from that thing of yours from awhile back. That thing from deep inside the outer block. But before that I'd better tell you everything. Right from the very beginning.
       (I don't know why he is so circumspect about it, but he is referring to the proxy Re-L showed him....)
We called it the Monad proxy. It was plundered from the Mosk dome. It was already here when I was first assigned to the facility. I wasn't told the reasons as to why it was kept shackled or the reasons we were forbidden to awaken it. But there are some things I do know. First. It is in no way a person. From a theological as well as a biological perspective we were unable to identify anything. Even down to gender. In my opinion, as far as it's significance to Romdeau, the proxy should be thought of as ... as more of a life force.
       (Everything Daedalus says is true and to be believed and central tenets of the series. This entire episode gives many many real answers, which is why I am just retyping it and commenting on it instead of interpreting it.)
So it's not a monster.
No, in fact it's really much more like a god. It's the key to supporting the field necessary for our survival, on this devastated world.
It sounds almost like magic.
We do have data to back this up. Come here, look. This specimen is composed out of these cells. They're called Amrita cells. And they're, as best as we can tell, immortal. If we could discover their secret, who knows.
The proxy is the key to our survival. But now it's been lost. So then, Romdeau must also have....
Yes, we must never forget. We have our own little secrets, don't we.
There's more than one proxy out there.
Yes, that would be it.
Hey, don't treat me like I'm an idiot.
       (I read this as more or less a direct jab at the audience that they want to have things spelled out for them and are probably feeling pretty grateful right about now to get some answers.)
Alright, then there's something else I want to ask you. Tell me. Where did you ever manage to learn the word proxy?
You know you left me alone in your office.
Re-l.
To be honest, I... I don't know why I am so drawn to all of this.
Couldn't help yourself?
It's not just that. Suddenly something had changed. If I had simply done my job and walked away from this mess, then I'd still have my life. My life before I'd ruined everything with these questions. And their terrible answers. But....
But?
I asked my questions. And then I discovered a whole world I never knew. That's my trouble with questions. I still don't know how to take them back.
Yes. That sounds like you. See, I'm kind of the same way. I like answers. That's why I'm here.
Daedalus.....?

Re-L and Daedalus are both one of a kind for Romdeau. They do not obey, they think independently, they like truths and answers despite how much it hurts to know them. This scene is surprisingly tender. They are revealing uncomfortable truths about themselves. I also tend to suggest that they are uncomfortable because they can't explain or justify them, but that may be my impressing my own thoughts upon them.
What's more, Daedalus's last comment is thought provoking. How much are Re-L and Daedalus completely slaves to their social programming? Are they not acting exactly how the Dome expects and asks them to? If not, then why. Is it circumstance, or free will, or mistake, or permitted?


Vince. We are going to where you were born, right? What kind of place is it?
It's um.... you'll see when we get there.
       (What kind of an answer is /that/ Vincent?)


Cogito infected autoreivs attack the pair inside of Daedalus's lab. Only a few people have the authority to allow something like that to happen, and what's more access to the information for manipulating the cogito virus. Normal autoreivs would not attack like this, not even cogito infected ones. Most Cogito infected flee and attack in self-defense only. They only gain the ability to think and act autonomously, not murderous tendencies. But these autoreives specifically target Re-L.

RE-L. REAL. hur hur hur. shut up ergo proxy.

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So very poetic. Vincent's story in this episode is lovely. Furthermore, Vincent's story begins to have a much more central self-discovery tone instead of a more hard-adventure style. Well. This is the first one like that. The episodes are far from consistent. It becomes more explicit, but all the episodes mix together many story elements and the episodes themselves shift very drastically in pacing theme and mood.

"And there is no escape from what you know."
This is one of my favorite quotes of the entire series.

"Let's dwell on the thought of the day. If you are going to eat the poison, you might as well eat the plate."
Yes, another one of my favorite quotes.

"It's safe to say we'll never meet again. That's why I must forget. But how. How can I forget that face?"
Truth, belief, and emotions are all things that our perception of can change, but that we cannot control how they do. Vincent said before that he could not return to his blind role as a fellow citizen after being thrown out and living in the commune. Re-L now believes she knows too much and cannot go back to ignorance. And Vincent now cannot forget his past and the people he knew, even though it is meaningless now and even though he would wish to. External truth and inner nature, how do they define ourselves and shape who we are? And what of the paradox of being defined by something we cannot control, even if it our own emotions and thoughts? For that matter, we turn around and condemn Raul for being changed by his experiences, is that even fair?
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08 December 2012

Ergo Proxy - 6: Return Home/Homecoming


Return Home
Yeeeep. The entirety of the episode is summarized in the opening scene.

Vincent on one side, Quinn on the other. Between them, the Centzon Totochtin. (Which has a nice red typogram (?) on the bottom that clearly says Centzon Totochtin.) Who will escape. Who wields the power over life and death. Is Vincent going to be a follower yet again?


Raul's progression will have to wait for now. I'll tell it how it unfolds all as one story.


Remember the toy soldier that you've been seeing around Hoody's place? (It had shown up in countless scenes ever since Vincent came to the commune in the first place. No seriously, it is ridiculous how often the soldier is shown every chance it gets. And yet you likely didn't notice it until this episode....) He was holding it when the commune was brutally attacked. Well, it's back again.
The fancy clock in the Romdeau mall has the same soldiers marching around it. With one missing.
Remember his conversation with Pino - "Don't you want to go back to Romdeau?"
Remember his conversation with Vincent - "The man from Romdeau must return to Romdeau, it's providence!" (And the shot of the soldier?)
Remember him giving his soldier to Vincent to take with him?
Remember the scene right before the execution, where you see a climbing shadow and hands grabbing the toy soldier?
Remember the toy soldier, lying broken amongst the clothes of the dead? As Quinn lies dying herself...?


Alright, here is quick summary of everyone's intentions and the final results. After that I will go into the much more personal stories of Quinn, Hoody, and Raul.

After Quinn is changed by Timothy's death she gives up her previous values to keep to herself and serve herself. She manipulates the rest of the residents and starts to act as false-revolutionary leader, spouting lies like "lure out the negotiator" and taking control by telling the others what to do.
She is rude to Vincent and everyone, treating them more like pawns to be manipulated than comrades.
She plans to use Re-L Mayer as a hostage against any attack by Romdeau, and retrieves a lot of weapons to arm the rest of the passengers with, in such a case.
She plans to get Vincent to come with her, help repair the machinery, and follow her orders by getting him to believe she has a vaccine to save Re-L.
She doesn't care if Re-L lives or dies.
She plans to watch over Pino and take care of her.
She wants to leave the commune and head out into the land, but knows the dome is prepared to kill them off at any time, so she needs help to get everything moving quickly. Especially to repair both vehicles.
She probably knew about the Centzon from her dives, but told no one until she needed it unsubmerged. (or else got Hoody to tell her)


Hoody has fallen from power and now just watches on the sidelines as things unfold. He is still a mentor and instructs Vincent as to what is really going on - Quinn's ulterior motives and her lies.
He doesn't let on his own single desire to return to Romdeau.
He tells Vincent the only way he can save Re-L is to send her back to Romdeau. Which is true, only they have the medicine and facilities there to manage it.
Hoody would probably have the commune try to hide again instead of set out on a journey, but it is long past his ability to control everyone like that.


Vincent wants to save Re-L, any way he can.
He would rather stay with the commune than return to Romdeau.
He knows he would probably be killed if he returns, but he also just has no place there.
He is willing to stand up to Quinn and no longer trusts Hoody.


Therefore, it is still Hoody who partially controls events, but it is Vincent that holds the power and chooses to let him. Vincent is the one that repairs the AHD then steals it and asks Hoody to take Re-L back against Quinn's will. Vincent is the one that stays with Quinn, but does not do it because of her manipulation. Quinn gets his abilities as mechanic, and the commune is able to escape. Her goal is achieved of leaving Romdeau to make her own path, as she said back when we first met her. Hoody's goal of returning to Romdeau for one last time is achieved, and Re-L is saved. All because Vincent chose his own path instead of following the demands of another corrupt leader. And Quinn herself, though she dies before she gets to live out the fruits of her efforts, at least gets to see the rest of them saved for good. For her part, she stops plotting, admits her lies, and tells the people who gather around her, caring for her, that "it's less than you deserve, you bastards." while Pino lays in her arms, trying to love her. (the last piece of Timothy remaining...)

And Pino understands it, not fully, but she does truly understand what the concept is. As Quinn lies dying she says, "I feel....very sad, Quinn." It still could be parroting the things she has been taught. If someone dies: Then you feel sad. But I believe the transition between copying and understanding happens then.

None of the characters in Ergo Proxy are altruistic. Even Vincent at his most submissive is doing it because he wants to feel as if he is accepted. That is one of the wonderful things about this series. Everyone has their own story, and personal motives, complex and irrepressible emotions for what they do.






Quinn.


Quinn had a rough life, trying to build her way back from nothing. She had a boy she loved and called her own, and a single goal to strive for. She was going to leave the commune, spread her wings, and bring Timothy with her to a better life.
Distant from the rest, she didn't cling to old lives and dreams, but was determined to create new ones.
She lived for a dream, not unlike that of Ayn Rand's firm belief in the abilities of one to make their own way in the world.
She disliked how the others lived in repeating cycles, gossiping and occupying themselves with fantasy lives. She disliked Hoody and his need to be followed by the others to the point that he would manipulate their hopes. But, though she knew the corruption beneath the surface, she didn't interfere. She was going to work as hard as she could, alone, to realize her own goals. For herself. For Timothy, the only innocent left in this tragic place of need, abandonment, and decay.
Then Vincent came and also was not interested in false promises. She liked Vincent, but again, she would not be distracted from her goals. Besides, he quickly became wrapped up in Hoody's wild incantations and didn't have the guts to pull out.
And then Re-L. The heartless spoiled Romdeau citizen that, like the rest of the dome, thought she could come and do whatever she pleased with the lives of the commune.
Quinn may not have much to her name, but she will not stand to be insulted by the likes of her.

With not a shred of sympathy for the communes' lives, Re-L was about to leave with gutless Vincent, when an accident happens and suddenly Re-L is helpless.

Yet. She didn't even have the decency to realize her place then either.
She may be sharp, but she was shallow and worthless and will never know the meaning of work or accomplishment in her entire life. And it was the doing of such arrogant worthless bluebloods that condemn the commune and would kill them without a second thought.

It is only by Quinn's good nature that she doesn't kill Re-L on the spot but gives her carcass the only purpose it will ever have - to serve as shield and bargaining tool with Vincent.

Then Vincent surprises her. The idiot, in love with Re-L, uses the AHD to save her life and give Hoody a chance to live out his own foolish dreams. Why he wants to return Quinn will never know, but there is no use trying to change fate now.

"Let's move out!" She announces to the poor souls who would just live out the rest of their ragged existence undisturbed, forever gossiping and creating justifications for their way of life. They too are simpletons, but they are merely a dull sort, and not the imperious cretins of the dome. She wouldn't look out for them normally, but she is glad to help them live. For they too have suffered as she has, and struggled just to make their way in life.

So Quinn fights.

She fights for her life, her simple dream, her ideals of nearly Ayn Rand objectivism, the abused lives of her fellows who never had a chance. She fights against the tyranny of the dome. Most of all she fights for the innocent, and Timothy. She knows she has fallen to resort to using others as tools, but she does it to save what is left of the good that is found there. She fights so it will not be sterilized to leave only what she sees as the pure evil of the dome system (even if she only thinks the inhabitants are misguided, she thinks the dome as a whole is an evil institution.)

And, due to a fluke of fate, they get their chance and escape the reach of the dome altogether. It is at the cost of her own life. But. She lived according to her ideals for the most part, defeated the dome, and really, what was there left for her?

She has the care of the other commune members, but that was never her interest. She cares for them, but only wishes they could stand on their own.

......

Look at how helpless they are. Flying in circles. Dreaming of the treasures the dome offers them when they have it within them to build their own kingdoms.

Look at how we feared the dome. And how helpless it is, caught in it's own protocols. Flying in it's own meaningless circles. It's funny really, how sightless we all are in the grand scheme of things....
And Timothy.... never even had a chance.... Now.... at least the rest do.














Hoody.



Hoody had all he could hope for in this ravaged place.
It wasn't much, but he had the rest of the commune looking up to him, listening to his stories. And he was able to give them some happiness, even if it was a false sort. Everyone depended on him, and in truth he did his best to help them all. He looked out for Vincent and Pino and everyone (even Re-L, who threatened him and treated him like dirt) and all he really wanted was to stay as a father figure.

But he wanted too much.

They realized his fabrications and turned on him. They abandoned him, ignored him, and left him as a sort of ghost to watch events unfold. Only Vincent remained to listen to him and Vincent too had lost all trust in him. Forced to become a sort of outcast tutor, he tells Vincent the truth.
Now that he can no longer return to his past life and Quinn holds the reigns the old dream returns to Hoody. And with the AHD he has a chance.



It seems so long ago that it all happened.
A brash idea, a cocky plan, an adventurous climb. And his brilliant prize - he stole a toy solder from the middle of the mall. He laughed about it, maybe even bragged a bit. It was too fun.

He thought it was his last insidious triumph to take it with him when they banished him from the dome. But now he thinks it must have been their own cunning punishment to leave him with the reminder that he has suffered all these hollow years for the sake of such a worthless trinket.

He was so blind. A scamp that traded the wonders of the dome for a simple selfish whim. An unruly child such as that could not be permitted to trifle with the running of paradise.

It's hopeless to ever think of being able to return. But someday he wishes, just for a moment, that he could see inside the dome one last time.

And then, as if lady fate smiled his way, there was an opportunity.

He has nothing left of his life here, and a single chance to return. A simple one, and one that will save the life of another. Vincent thanks him profusely, his eyes wide with gratitude, and Hoody says it is nothing, that he is old and would die soon any way.

He doesn't let on that this is what has plagued his heart ever since the day he was forced out.

It was strange and cold as he flew up. His cargo breathing irregularly behind him. The quiet hum of the vehicle. The tiny figures of the commune far below. Pino, bless her heart, waving up at him.

He tried to make do with the pieces of his life. He really tried his best. Maybe that is why he was given this chance now. Maybe it really was providence that he would return from where he came.

He waits as bureaucracy churns and tabulates, all the nervousness and uncertainty from when he was led out this way before, completely absent. This is what he is destined for. This is what he chose his last moments to be. This is all he could have hoped for.



He removes the helmet when he is finally instructed to disembark, and the city in all it's glory lays before him. As pristine and unchanged as the day he left it. And it is like he is that boy all over again, climbing up that clock, anxious and grinning and daringly stealing something that was not his to take.




"Alright then."




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It may be just my own propensity, but I admire how much is communicated wordlessly. Re-L reaches Hoody's garage. How do I know it is his garage? He was there when the AHD was being taken away from it, and the others say "We didn't steal it, Hoody stole it and we took it from him." Remember the pliers cutting the chain and the man gasping when he realized Hoody was standing there? Those same pliers are lying on the floor when Re-L arrives and collapses.
Is any of this communicated? No. She simply says "Damn." It's true that later she goes to Quinn saying that her "Someone stole my AHD. I bet that was you." but you have to put together the pieces rather than hear them sequentially.

"When someone dies, that's it. You don't get see another one of them again." That is what is saddest about death. It isn't the death itself, for me, but the fact that it means what could have been, will never happen. That there will never be another life quite like that, and the things that life could have given will never be realized. That is why everyone's lives matter, without ever knowing who or what they were. Even the worst kind of people have things to offer that we will never know if their lives are cut short, and the universe will be a lesser place without them. Somehow this concept is both very deep and moving, while also being very tenuous and questionable.

Everyone else sees a lot more sexual tension between Re-L and Vincent than I do, but it is safe to say that Re-L at this point is somewhat captivated. It is all mixed up in her nature to seek answers, her shock of seeing the Proxy, questioning her own role as a citizen, Vincent being an enigma she can't seem to crack, and increasingly Vincent himself. She has a combative personality too, which means she may be more invested than she lets on. Her memory of him is enough to make her struggle out of bed and attempt to confront him. It seems it is the one thing she wants to try to do before she dies. Admittedly, she doesn't have many other options, but she doesn't want to give up just yet. Vincent is very protective of her, coming to rescue her when she has been knocked over by Quinn, and blushing when she struggles to speak to him. I hardly doubt that she reciprocates his enamor, but she is personally invested in trying to figure out who he is which is, I would estimate, if not a compliment then at least a lot more than typical for her.

After this episode thing start to shift. At first it remains still plot heavy with a lot more subterfuge and hints that need unraveling. Also they start dealing directly with a lot more deeply philosophic questions about life in another several episodes. The previous four episodes have been more or less straight forward. I haven't really needed to pick apart the episodes as much as I have, but I did so to get at the character's motivations and sort of make up some philosophic dichotomies. The extra details were extra details instead of main plot points that needed to be understood. Of course, after the middle of the series, things really start to go obnoxiously crazy and symbolic and psychological, but that is still a quite a long ways off.




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07 December 2012

Blank

I failed one of my finals. (who knows, maybe two. I've taken three so far) I cried.

I can probably still get a C, maybe even a B in the class, but that isn't really anything to do with it.

I care that I tried hard. I care that I care. I care that I don't know what I did wrong. What I could have done. I care that this is what I want to do but I can't even figure out if I understand it or not. I care that my teacher probably doesn't know that I care.

This mixture is what made me cry.

I didn't want to. I don't want to feel attached to grades. And I don't like that that appeared to be all that was going on to the friend-who-does-not-know-me that was there with me.

And everything faded... or I guess I should say, I faded.

I thought about just turning away and doing things I like to do. Frivolous things. Or deep things. Or fun things. Or my friends. Or anything else.

Every single one I looked at, and every single one stared back at me as if it didn't recognize who I was.

I didn't want to do anything. Literally, I wanted to do nothing. So I did. From 6pm onward I slept. Waking up every hour or so to fiddle with the computer and then closing my eyes and back to sleep.

It wasn't quite so harmless as that either. Not only had the things most colorful lost their color (importance, interest, fun, care) but I had a bland sort of desire to mess things up. I wanted to tell anyone that might care a little bit how I feel in no uncertain terms to "go away, I don't care about you either." Even though they have nothing to do with it.

Feels like the world had turned me away (even though I care so deeply about it...) so I want to turn it away too. Maybe it's a petulant sort of, "It was my idea first" or maybe it is something worse.

Most of all I want to pull inside myself and turn away and feel nothing and make everything disappear and meaningless. Have sensations but nothing to activate them, be complete uncommunicative and inward so if someone said something to me it would be like tapping on window and I could look at them with sightless eyes and turn them away. Not angrily, not selfishly, but uncomprehendingly. I don't know what you are, you knew what I was, but no longer.

I'm not eating, and unlike before it's not because I am too wrapped up in other things, but because I want to ...punish myself? Not angrily, not hurtfully, not directly like it sounds. It is because I want my body to match my mood. To be a dull sort of sick or hungry and think of that instead of thinking about the world and how much it is good or bad. I don't want to make myself more depressed, nor do I want to cheer myself up. I just want to not think. Not consciously or purposefully not think, but not see, not feel, not understand.

No. This is not a way to ask for help or have someone (stranger or otherwise) know what I am doing. I am indifferent one way or the other if it is seen, but much more certainly I am unwilling to care of some one else's opinion of it. Positive or negative, it is so many meaningless words. (... their response, but also what I have written)

So why do I write it? Because I do not have anything else to do and because of my future self caring or being interested or because I know that the ideals that I am distant from now ask that I say everything. Even though it does not matter to me, I am aware that they say "I should."





>It is a mistake. I will hurt someone. I will reveal myself. I am turning away, am I not? I want to be alone. I don't know why, but I am posting anyway. The chances of this remaining up are about 50% 50%.

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05 December 2012

Ergo Proxy - 5: Recall/Twilight

Recall

So Vincent has now joined a new society, and has begun to integrate himself. The others turn suspicious and angry at Vincent, blaming him instead of welcoming him the way they did at first. They seem so unstable. First childish and silly, then irritable and protective. It's hard for me to take them seriously, but I think that, while the show does not delve into it deeply, it hints at some very, very dark undertones here.

Hoody tells such flagrant lies, and the rest of the commune comically believes him. Vincent is far from the hero-warrior-rebel character Hoody paints him as, which is ironically most obvious by the fact that Vincent can't work up the courage to correct him.Vincent has gone back to closing his eyes and being submissive.

Hoody says that they narrowly avoided a mob, and I don't doubt that was true. The commune, though much more human and peaceable and familiar to us has it's own problems. While they seem friendly and harmless, they have deep anger and hunger for what they have been locked out of. They are old men and women, but still they have a sort of bullied psychology that is quick to take advantage. They threatened Pino. They talk behind Quinn's back, then Hoody's, then Quinn's. They hate Romdeau, but claim they could go back (if they wanted.) They switch sides to whomever promises them the greatest reward, and gang up on weaklings.

The are willing to buy into the most fantastic stories and fairy tales just for the hope that it gives them. Hoody, a little drunk with his power, obliges and makes up great yarns to feed them. The problem is, well, he is playing with their hopes and that is about the only thing they have left. It's symbolized fairly clearly by the lumps of dough on the fire. After hearing Hoody reassure them, the dough rises. After being faced with Quinn's realism, the dough rises and bursts. The type of hope Hoody offers does some good, but it is false hope and false good. Despite the commune's jejune nature, they seem to have a hidden desperate side to them, right beneath the surface, ready to snap. Maybe it could continue rising, but at some point, reality steps in, and their bubble will bursts uncontrollably.


Timothy is Quinn's son.
Someone was killed by the patrols, and Quinn observes, "Well, that's it for this place." I think they were scouted and have to move their commune. At first it seemed like that couldn't have happened with the commune still being by the lake, but Quinn calls it a "sea" and the dome itself is so very vast, that there is probably a large area that the commune can move around in and build settlements in, year after year.

Quinn is perceptive and realizes Hoody's lies. She does not confront him, but undermines his authority with her questions and independence. Her comments are important - "I want no part of this" which I think is direct communication with Hoody. "I could care less about the revolution or the future of Romdeau," which is both true literally, as well as figuratively for Hoody's story. "What the hell is the point of freedom if you have to die to get it." This can be taken both literally, since Quinn is by her nature extremely pragmatic, as well as symbolically - what is the point of hope if you have to lie to get it? Again, the basic question if values are important for their own sake, or are a means to an end, both for freedom and death, as well as for hope and lies, happiness and mind.

Hoody tells Vincent that the entire commune is dependent upon him, which is true, but only because he made it that way. As a leader he does not teach them to be independent and find their own hopes and goals, but feeds them promises and hints at greater things. Quinn is right to say that he wants to keep his companions hostage so he doesn't lose them. He concocted a story about an escape vehicle, called it the 400 Rabbits, (Centzon Totochtinn) and says that it is hidden away unused because the world is too dangerous to leave the commune. In the end, he is a whipped bully too.

Centzon Totochtin is from Aztec mythology. They are notable for partying and being the god of drunkenness, perhaps similar to Bacchus.

"The whole thing scares me. Lies beget lies. And at some point soon, there won't be any turning back. For being human seems like such a tragic state, for every one of us."
Quinn again has a lot to say in a short statement. She refers directly to the commune and the current situation - they are all repressed and tragic figures, struggling to survive in a world that seems dead, miserable, hopeless, and meaningless. The lies they have been told will drive them to eventually break, if Hoody doesn't quell the damage he has done. But more abstractly, when you believe lies, and then believe more and more, at some point you lose yourself and become the lie. She posits humans are weak and easily damaged physically, mentally, emotionally. They can only deal with so much, and they can fall prey to so many things in life so easily. And yet, she used the word "seems" because, it does not have to always be that way. It can be, if we let ourselves, but we can also be greater than our selves.

The dough is shown once again. Burned and shriveled. The hope they had is dying, their disillusionment growing, but they still cling to what they have been told.


We've been following Vincent so long that we no longer know what Re-L has been up to or why she managed to make it out so far with such equipment supposedly to "retrieve Vincent."

The book that Timothy has colored and is using as a mask to make Pino laugh has a reference to From Caligari to Hitler by Kracauer. This book is apparently an analysis of German film post World War I. How it began escapist and apolitical, and how it is related to the rise of totalitarianism. This was a time period of great innovation, chaos, arts and creativity, but it led to the notorious regime of Hitler. There is also a picture of a snake wrapped around a cross. All I can find on this symbol is it being a reference to fertility, or my own guess that it might be a relation of the snake of knowledge and the devil paired with the cross of religion and god. Both of these seem far from pertinent, so I'll give up on understanding if there is any relevance.


A bunch of things happen - Daedalus is aware of Re-L's activities, helped her get outside, knows about the outside people, and is trying to keep her from knowing any thing more. Re-L won't have any of it, and asks Hoody about the proxy. He rambles, saying they are not monsters but magicians with awesome powers. They can disappear, take control of people's minds, control lightening and summon meteors. There are many, common across the land he says. His tales seem so clearly wild and attempts to get Re-L to listen to him, but she is not willing to believe anything she is told like the rest. Disgusted with him, she turns to leave demanding Vincent come along.

Many things go on in the one scene. Hoody's demands and Re-L's responses match up as she speaks to Daedalus and finds out about the report that was delivered to his office moments ago. "Of course in return I'll be expecting a little quid pro quo, alright?" - Yes, what? "First you recognize our right to autonomy. ... hostiles." - That's exactly what I was planning to do. "Second you establish friendly relations immediately." - Yes I have. "And we demand the right to return to Romdeau." - I understand. And, most interestingly, as a friend pointed out to me: "Are soldiers really on their way? What are they going to do to us?! What about me?! What should I do?!" - Let go!

Hoody falls into his own trap, believing he can get away with lying to Re-L after getting away with it so long. Drunk with his own power he sends Timothy and Pino away to their deaths, thinking he deserves respect and is actually living out his lies. Then Re-L announces that the commune is going to be wiped out. He is still so wrapped up in his own myth that he can barely fathom it.

Vincent is confronted by Re-L, the girl he cares about and symbolizes the best of Romdeau to him, and Hoody, the broken man cast out by Romdeau. Neither are very appealing, but he is forced to face the choice now.

Pino and Timothy play together, Pino once again being both robot and child at once. She draws, but always copies. She doesn't eat, but likes to play. She jumps into the lake and is swimming there looking around when then tragedy strikes. The commune has been fooled so thoroughly (it is soup boiling in cans on the fire this time) that they watch the patrol flight come, and abandon all caution. They are shot at as Hoody watches in horror. Timothy is killed.


Vincent struggles with himself, trying to find a better way. He ultimately gives up hope that he can live here or back in Romdeau. Not because he thinks both are death, but instead because he knows too much to go back to forgetting and lying. Re-L offers no explanation other than he doesn't have another option. Vincent says that he could return to the Mosk dome, where he came from.

Before the conversation can continue, Vincent fears for Re-L's life, and in trying to protect her nearly falls off the cliff. Re-L tries to shield him, blocking the view of the patrol craft and getting shot at non-lethally. Vincent falls, seeing Re-L collapse moments later the proxy appears. It destroys the patrols in the area, leaving Re-L alone and Vincent floating in the water at the base of the cliff, unconscious.

Re-L, unable to move, removes her mask despite Daeudalus's warnings that "Stop, you'll die if you come in contact with the atmosphere!" After he distinctly non "fellow citizen" behavior and the sight of the proxy, she is now even more obsessed with Vincent. His refusal to return, his reasons, his life outside the dome, his connection with the proxy... all of it is driving her towards him. She rescues him, but exhausts herself as the atmosphere eats away at her health and she faints.

Quinn discovers Timothy's body.

[VIEW SPOILERS]

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02 December 2012

Ergo Proxy - 4: Signs of Future, Hades of Future/Futu-Risk


Signs of Future Hades of Future


998 days of service are required before Vincent can become a fellow citizen. That is almost three years of work. Vincent Law had the escape path of infected autoreivs because he was hunting and killing them for his work, as Re-L should have known, and yet she is surprised for some reason. In any case, Re-L uses it to find the route Vincent tried to escape by, and stumbles upon the body of the proxy in the abandoned areas.

The cereal spells "misfit" this time.

The scenes of Vincent killing the infected autoreivs, then being framed for killing Dorothy and hunted like an infected autoreiv himself, again highlights the thin line between human and autoreiv. As well as the morality of believing different thought to be wrong.
He pleads that he was framed, that he didn't do it, that he didn't kill Dorothy. He didn't, but he did kill quite a lot of other autoreivs. They were infected, but following orders didn't make it right.

Joe Bousquet's poem is read in it's entirety. He was a French poet who was paralyzed and bed ridden. He became involved with surrealists and was admired by the philosopher Deleuze who is another person whose name is used for a character in Ergo Proxy. Deleuze in the show is one of Daedalus's autoreivs, along with Guattari, another French philosopher's name. They wrote Capitalism and Schizophrenia, which is about the relationship of desire and reality, particularly capitalism. It has sections with Marxist explanations and Freudian psychology, but the most relevant parts are where it mentions that desire is the cause for production and reality, and that societies sometimes desire self-oppression.

Vincent has completely rejected Romdeau now, despite his desperation to be accepted before, he now calls it a lie. Indeed, he has changed nearly completely. He isn't like Pino, just copying and following the adults, rather he broods and seems to disagree, or at least not completely agree with the people around him.

And Hoody points out that lies are truths until they are realized. The difference between belief and knowledge is not always clear. And as Pino chimes in, "lies make us happy." People sometimes prefer to remain ignorant because they won't have to deal with the truth. People sometimes believe in God purely because it would make their world a better place instead of because it being true or not. People sometimes create lies to hide behind and blame to distract themselves. In this way, lies make us happy all the time. I happen to think that the truth always, ultimately, makes us happier, but that may be my own personality or my own lie.

Pino is still very robotic although she has much improved since last we saw. She imitates lots of things. Laughing when Hoody does, and coughing when he does too.

Re-L finds out that Daedalus modified his autoreivs so they do not report to the Administrative Bureau and so is free to ask for his help to analyze the proxy she found. Daedalus looks concerned, but doesn't let on that he already knows about the proxy and did research on it. Their relationship is still very close. He risks his reputation "only because you asked me to" although I think he has ulterior motives. Re-L trusts him enough to tell him everything, and Daedalus is genuinely concerned for Re-L's safety. He tries to stop her from getting more involved, and she doesn't try to force him to tell her more, but she disregard's his advice. For his part, he also doesn't try to force her, but still holds back his personal knowledge.

Quinn is the most whole person we have met thus far. She is determined to create a life for herself, live independently of the dome, and find her own purpose in life. She thinks the reactionary "freedom" champions are lunatics for clinging on to their false triumphs. She just wants to deal with what she has, and work towards a future by repairing the Rabbit and traveling with Timothy to make their own world, leaving the dome and it's troubles behind.

Routine patrols normally follow a fixed route, and they kill the citizens of the commune. If they spot one, they will start to root out the rest, but other than that, the dome lets them live.
Except. This one goes after Pino, but does not fire upon her.

Raul finds out Vincent survived.

[VIEW SPOILERS]
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//////Reactions cont'd
The idea that these outcasts have attained "true freedom!" rings hollow for everyone. It may be true, but the idea of true freedom is dubious anyway. Is it anarchy? Is is communism? Is it peace or is it war?

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