Burning at the Edges

I'm tired.
Yeah, you slept a lot in the afternoon and had several hours of rest before that.
I'm hot. When did I get hot? This.... only happens when I get sick. I'm getting sick. I can't get sick.
It will pass. It probably has to do with the changed sleep schedule. You can get sleep tonight. Just one assignment. A couple hours. One thing at a time. Just take it slow and don't get overwhelmed. (one more tomorrow afternoon, the next day a long day of work, but that's just going and putting in the effort, then maybe some test, but it's okay, you can handle it. You're stronger than you think. And you know you've done stuff like this with ease.)


One thing at a time.

Yeah. Right. One thing at a time.

*tears at the edges begin to drop*
Like I have been all along. And then I'm exhausted and failing. And then I procrastinate and the "rest" doesn't help me improve. It's been a controlled fall, but I've been falling all along.
There's. There's just no end in sight. No break to get to, and then I can recuperate. That would be the weekend I guess. Except I need to study then. Then I'll be caught up. Except I need to get away from it all.

No I don't. I have plenty of time to rest and to not do work. Every day you waste hours on the internet, remember?

Then. Why. Am. I. Exhausted. Sick. Tired. Scared.

Because you procrastinated and then started asking these questions instead of actually working. You always do instead of getting on to the work. If only you'd actually do the work, you wouldn't be behind. You wouldn't be panicked. You wouldn't be tired. You wouldn't be depressed. And here you are, making it worse in more ways then one. Just do the work. You know it's the answer. Why do you never just do the work? You know that helps. You know that is what kept you doing well in the past. Just do it. You can. You can do it.


*blackness*
*encouragement*
*woe*
*confidence building*



why. why did this start. I don't understand. this isn't me.