Minecraft Malady

Yesterday I was stolen from.
I had only been at work for three days so it was hardly anything terribly valuable. I still can't decide how I want to react. If they had taken some of my things, even all the useful things, I wouldn't have cared a whit, and probably just kept going as I was. However, they took more than they needed, even going so far as to take my mushrooms, bowls, saplings, and more. They couldn't have used it all, or even carried it all, so they must have just pilfered it almost for pilfering sake. That is what puts me in this dilemma. I don't like being stolen from, but it's tolerable and can be pretty fun and challenging. But when all of my things are taken, even the ones that have a use pretty much for me, and me alone, it poses a problem.

What's more, I started to catch the sickness. I started to think about how I ought to take from other people. Not as much and not as callously, but I had an itch that now it was my right to go around stealing. It would only be fair. Thankfully that fit passed soon. I can think of a few solutions - go and locate some places that is distant so I will be stolen from less often. Hide or include traps so it becomes more and more difficult to steal from me. Just make everything convoluted and difficult to get to or find...

I still want to be raided. I think it would be interesting and fun. However I want to keep some things safe and I do not ever want to be stolen from indiscriminately again. Warnings and signs can't work because being forceful would encourage the behavior and there's no grantee anything less will have any effect whatsoever.

This really did have an almost malicious flavor to it. Not really directed at me, but a sense that they think everyone else is below them and they want to take for takings sake.
I was lucky, that on a whim I decided to hide my most important cache only earlier that day.

For now I am content to point out that stealing *everything* only makes it so that I will not replace it as soon or as much.

But the dilemma remains - should I relocate to remain hidden from all? Should I decide to hide only the most important and expect that everything else may disappear? Should I place traps just to see?



///// I decided to hide things which works well enough. Unfortunately I haven't hidden my base all that well, so if they decide to grief it, I won't be able to do much about it. The next change is the fact that I am building a huge structure made out of wood. I want it to be near spawn so people see it. Otherwise I would just make it on my singleplayer. Well, it has been burnt twice. It takes just a few clicks and it undoes hours of work. What's more I now know I am on a server with a regular griefer. Or, I should say, some kind of immature boy who has got something to prove, but doesn't know how. And he has two to four friends who follow along with a similar mentality.

I think I am resolved just to build it repeatedly. Same for the interior decorations (an arboretum) I may request a few things from the next mod that comes on. Either a supply of pine wood, or fire to be disabled, or my building to be protected. Once I finish it completely once I will photograph it, maybe show Tekker, and then not maintain it. (except perhaps a lazy sort of frame until it is destroyed beyond repair.)

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The end result is that the griefers turned from griefers to cheaters. I hid my caches, only to have them detected using a cheat instantly and destroyed. I built my structure only to have it burned over and over with no materials to replace it. (It takes about 6 hours to construct and 12 hours to finish I suspect. There wasn't even enough time to do that. I did request assistance from a mod, but due to me getting distracted and them not replying immediately, I never tried again. (sorry) I did have fun with learning about how the griefers think and I did come up with a really fascinating idea for grief-proof structures. Interestingly my small speaking up got myself noticed by Tekker and 88 whom added me to their steam friends. (!) What a surprise for incredibly asocial, lurker, me. Too bad I don't play any other games they play, else I would try crashing their party or at least speaking up once again. (knowing me literally, "once" again.)

Mind and Matter (Convoluted Communication)

Kant believes as I do that intention, meaning, will and internal reality is more important - morally speaking - than actual results. There is a lot about Kant that I can't speak for, but I know that often I do things specifically to alter my feelings or opinion about something. I mention this because it frequently leads me to good decisions and morals, but it also can make things very difficult and/or cause everyone involved all kinds of problems. A simple example would be that I have a necklace I shaped a positive meaning for, so while I wear it I draw strength from it, fortifying my own mind and attitude. It makes it easier to think in a better, "wholer" way. And an example for the other direction would be how I have such difficulty beginning conversations. I wonder at my own reasons for doing so, the response, how I'd react to the response, and all the rippling implications it could have until it is unbearably important. Then I cannot say a thing because it would be wrong to do something I think of as so important and cause all kinds of trouble for myself and others by my overblown imaginings, when I should believe that it is altogether a small affair. It is easy for me to act so, but I have to believe so too to avoid generating harm.

Sometimes on my way back to my room from class, I will stop and do something for the sake of doing it more than anything else. Sometimes it is stopping to watch the clouds or the wind or the birds. Often I have a logical reason, but usually what causes me to do it is more than a reason. It's usually my own brand of spiritual and the only religion I live by.

The frame of mind will emerge suddenly, unprovoked, and when I feel it I always follow it in one way or another. Occasionally I will be unable to pursue it in the most natural way - going off to watch the sunset for example - but I can instead whisper in my mind regrets and promises while letting the experience as I have the limited time to feel it, wash over me. Usually I do have the chance to set aside everything else and fall into the experience completely. It's more than reason, it's more than emotion; though they both play a large part in it. I can feel the wonder of the entire world, marvel at all its logical feats of greatness, but it's not just that. It is profound, it's tied to Truth as I most value it, and it is a sense of oneness. Not connectedness, for that would imply separate parts linked together, but a sense of how everything is intimately the same. How I fit into the world, how the world fits around me. How everything is unimaginably large and cruelly complex while also being surprisingly easy, simple and personal.

Black and white is wrong. Perspective, openness, and sight make it easy to see how everything is not one thing, but many. Almost all our words are applied as if they are absolutes, but even the smallest side-steps in perception make it obvious that nearly nothing we describe as absolute, is. I dislike this attitude and ignorance of the multiple perspectives almost as much as I love to learn more and enjoy as many perspectives as I can for everything I encounter.

I used to think that is was obvious to everyone that there are always 10 sides to any one thing, and that for practical purposes they had found a good way of approaching things in life and just set aside the other viewpoints for practicalities' sake. I thought my interest and childish love of toying with as many perspectives as possible was known, shrugged off, and just acknowledged as just my quirky personal enjoyment. Some comments made by a muni I know, (I still consistently avoid saying muni's name to others, even when speaking to myself. There are many reasons for this, some of which I know, many of which I don't.) however, have made me wonder if perhaps this interest of mine is unique in it's strength but also it it's existence.

This makes me lonely and sad to imagine. Do so few enjoy the benefits of knowing multiple perspectives on everyday things? Though if it were true I'd also feel like I have something valuable that comes easily which I can share with others.

This composition has a stream of consciousness element to it. All of the things I have mentioned so far I think are related in a fundamental way, however I am having difficulty voicing exactly what it is. My caring and desire to see every side of a thing as often as I can, is very closely linked to those instances in which I can enjoy the profound sense of meaning in anything in an almost spiritual mood that comes upon me. This too is not unconnected to the way mind and perception matters more than simple actuality.

I'd turn down any good thing if taking it would mean I would taint my mind for it, and if I could find a way to accept it without scratching my sensibilities then no harm would be done, and I would do it. Even if the actions themselves are identical or opposite in all cases.
If you are imagining direct implications then that is not what I am talking about. It's not like the simple case of - "if I accept this bribe money I can save 100's, but I would be doing a bad thing and feel guilt for a long time afterwards" No. My thoughts would be more like, "If I accept this bribe money and save hundreds, would I be doing the best thing in this circumstance? Yes? Then I will do so." I may feel guilt after the fact, but I sincerely doubt it. I believed I was doing the right thing with the knowledge I had at the time. Whether or not I am doing a bad thing doesn't matter in the end, just that I act in the best faith I can. Nor does the knowledge of doing "something" wrong matter much, as long as it is the best option.
I guess I would look at both option, weigh the good and bad results of each (guilt for promoting bad actions and benefiting strangers, no guilt, no promotion of bad behavior, and no ability to benefit those strangers) then base the entire decision on doing what I believed was right. I would not find preventing bad action on my part to overrule everything, for fear that I will ruin my mind in this way. Nor would I consider the reality of actually helping those 100 strangers the important part of the decision. Rather my belief in it and my intention to choose the best option I had would determine the actions morality and course. For this same reason I am determined to make the choice I believe is right always and without fail. Only then would I feel guilt and then I would have really hurt my mind in an irreparable way.
Then, what I am saying comes down to this: the reality of something being bad or not does not matter. My belief that it is good or bad does. Simultaneously, it does not matter if I do something bad or sacrifice something good if it for the sake of intending something better. Knowledge after the fact to the contrary is mostly if not completely irrelevant.

All of this I think simple and obvious, (though not necessarily easy to comprehensibly voice) but I am not sure it's so.

NH2 - Update on Emily's Voice

So far the project has been going very well. I actually have a lot of content put together, even though I'm not sure how the entire thing will be when it is finished I am pretty impressed with the pieces of it I have scraped together so far.

I have learned a lot about how much the console cheat codes permit. I have learned quite a bit more about audio editing and I'm just learning some of the things the video program I am using lets me do. Every corner I turn I end up hitting up against a technical limitation. It is absolutely impossible for me to record my own content despite how much I really really want to. Even if it is really poor quality, I want to do it, and I have worked out a few ways (though tedious) which would show what I want to take place.
But, while I am not happy about not being to record, each other obstacle I encounter has been fun to work around. I can't seem to make the exact sound effects I had in mind for her voice, but I have had fun toying around with the options and found that really the only shifts that I needed was a bit of echo and a bit higher pitch. (I don't sound very girly) Then, for the video editing I can't add clips, but fading over to screenshots looks like it will work well for now. There is a lot that I want Emily to be shown doing personally, and I'm pretty upset that I can't think of a way to have Emily/player vision, but for now there will be at least some stuff I can show. If worst comes to worst I can just have her narrating her actions while there is either the protagonist vision, blackness, or representative images. Unfortunately it's not behaving the way I would expect when I try to do two layers of visuals, but the fadeout is fun and easy to create and I'm sure its just because I have overlooked something in the control scheme of the editing program.

I've been surprised how easily the material is to create. Adjusting levels of volume was really problematic for a long time, but then I discovered where the option is within the video editing program. It sounds pretty good, and most of it I don't have to sync up much either. Just recording it, then overlaying it and my vocalization seems to be at a good speed and match where I wanted it to be anyway. I'm probably over optimistic since I am only a little ways in and doing the same thing over and over isn't a good idea for the entire production. It is going to be quite long and tedious to do the entire thing. Hopefully I can tell a good story from Emily's point of view, gradually working in more varied content, and still have it flow alright. I can already tell that I will have plot holes that will make me unhappy. Mostly I feel like just being hopefully and counting on luck. It's been good.

Wait a second. I think Steam has a video record option. Maybe that would be easier on my system than the x-split I have been using. I should at least see if that is an option before I give up on recording motion pictures.

Maybe I'll record some of my plans and though processes next time I write about it. I have a lot of ideas and concepts all mixing around in my mind. Any of them could be included and any of them could be changed or discarded, but it might be fun to write down all the half-baked editions too.

Nightmare House 2 - A Different Take

So I am a great fan of Nightmare House Two. I think the team did a fantastic job of creating a horror game. (and it is a mod, which makes it even greater in my eyes) The combat is there, and used to good effect, but it doesn't get in the way of the experience. The pacing is good, if the transition to fps and back is a little jarring, when they get going they are great. The story is enjoyable, a bit cliche, but immensely satisfying and far above average. Unfortunately that isn't much of a compliment, but I really did like the storyline. I also did not have any problems with the scare tactics as I have not experienced many of the games it drew inspiration from, so I wasn't bothered by it ripping them off to an extent. (Condemned, Silent Hill, etc)

I recently saw a fantastic portrayal of the protagonist, voiced and brought to life.


After awhile, an idea began to eat at me. What if I did the same thing, but from Emily's perspective? The more time that passed, the more the idea grew on me. Emily is a large part of what I like about the game, and I want to explore her side. How she came to be misunderstood, and what her real feelings - both the admirable and the despicable - are. I want her story to be told.

The logistics are problematic. I have no experience modeling, animating, modding, or even video editing so I'll have to learn as I go or find ways to avoid them. It is a long game too, especially to record a full monologue for. My laptop is not powerful and probably would struggle to play the game seamlessly while recording. How could I present her side fairly, without showing it from her perspective - following the protagonist around and teleporting from location to location as she works. Should I try to modify the game itself to suit my needs? Is that even possible?

As it stands, here are my high objectives:
♦ Record the game as the protagonist making his way through the hospital and nightmares. I won't bother to record his thoughts, but I would need to perform actions as if he was really there. I was going to rip other people's plays of the game but they all act like they are playing a game - picking up computers, breaking cups, etc. I can do this hopefully quickly and crassly, and later re-record parts that need special attention, actions, or care.
♦ Record parts of the game as if I were Emily. Faithfully run where she runs, portray her spying on the rest of the level, and have "Emily Vision" where she can see what is real as well as what the protagonist is being made to hallucinate. Some of this will be no-clip material. Some will be just recording cuts. Some will likely need editing for effects.
♦ Attempt to use gmod tools and/or editing to insert the protagonist when he is being observed by her when she is outside his head. Hopefully I can have her "riding" him for most of it. After all, that seems like what she would be doing in an effort to help him, and because of her current state of existence.
♦ Perform all the voice-overs of her thoughts and attempts to communicate herself. Her hopes, her failures, her fears, her anger, and her caring. Modify her voice to be ghostly, but not too much. Perhaps adjust this as she gains and loses power.
♦ Do my best to keep to real events while possibly re-interpreting some of it. Adjust some things (like the random events) as needed, but keep the source material as intact and faithful as possible.
♦ Explain all her actions, which are hers and which are Romeros, and add some content to fill in some of the gaps in the narrative. Also really delve into her character, past, and current powers/existence.
♦ Consider cutting parts of the game that are less story driven or where she wouldn't be present. This also can be used to effect when she "loses" the protagonist and has to try to find him again after being elsewhere or fading out of existence etc.

So that is the outline. It's pretty hugely ambitious for me to attempt, but it could be really grand in its final cut too.

I think I'd find it really rewarding to complete. Mostly to illustrate Emily's story, even if I cannot perform well the visual portrayal of it. I'll think about doing it. Hopefully I'll at least get a proof of concept done.

Thanks for everything, wecreatestuff dev team. You've really created a monster masterpiece.

(Also, definitely check out their soundtrack music, if you won't play the game itself. It's pretty epic and just what I was in the mood for listing to while working tonight.)




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UPDATE
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My laptop is unable to record any kind of quality of gameplay. This means I will have to wait until I return to being able to access my desktop, will have to use online footage, or will just record the voice-overs of Emily for now and perform some combinations melding of footage at a later date. Right now I think I will try once more to find good footage of gameplay and work with that as I record, but my chance of success is slim.

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UPDATE
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So it looks like creating npcs, modifying movement for Emily vision, and various other tweaks are much much easier than I had imagined. There are several things that I cannot do, but many things that I can - so that I think I can really capture some excellent footage to help give her point of view. I also intend to make her vision blurred and fragmented to cover up my inability to record, and I think that maybe it will improve the overall product in the end.
I was pretty successful finding good footage for the protagonist's point of view as well. That is already downloaded. It looks like I will need a script and some plans for how to record and portray Emily's POV next.
Playing around with the dev controls was extremely entertaining and insightful.